The Day Care Debate

There's an absolutely terrific discussion about child care going on in the comments section over at 11d.  It's stimulated by Laura's review of Home Alone America: The Hidden Cost of Day Care, Behavioral Drugs, and Other Parent Substitutes by Mary Eberstadt.  I've made several responses on Laura's blog, but have enough to say that it deserves its own post.  (I just got the book out of the library, so will presumably have more to say when I've actually read it.)

As I've noted before, lots and lots of affluent parents who have either an at-home parent or a full-time nanny also send their kids to part-day preschool for the socialization and education benefits (and to get a break).  And there's good evidence that high-quality preschools (such as the Perry Preschool) are often more educationally rich and stable evironments for at-risk (mostly very poor) kids than they're likely to experience at home. 

So, I don't think there's a lot of controversy around high-quality part-day or school-day length care for preschoolers.  (If Eberstadt is going after that, she's even more radical than Laura suggested.) Or rather, the real controversy is around whether it's valuable enough that society should figure out a way to pay for it for all kids, or even just all high-risk kids.

Where there's more controversy is about full-time care -- which often means 50 to 60 hours a week, once you've added parental commuting time to a full-time workweek -- and care for infants and toddlers.  Here's where some of the rigorous studies (most notably, the NICHD-funded Study of Early Child Care) suggest there might be some negative effects.  But the effects are fairly small, not enough that I'd tell anyone to change their behavior based on them.

So, if we don't think child care is terrible for kids, why are we forgoing the not insignificant amount of money my husband could be making building Oracle databases?  For one thing, he was bored to death by his old job.  And he really enjoys spending time with the boys (although, of course, some days are better than others) and values the close relationship he's developed with them.

Our lives are a lot less stressful with him home.  We don't have to rush to get the kids dressed and out the door in the morning, and when I get stuck in a metro delay on the way home, I don't have to worry about late fees accruing at $1 a minute.  We didn't have to get on waiting lists the minute I knew I was pregnant (literally what you need to do if you want center-based care in the DC area). We don't have to deal with scrambling for coverage when the boys are sick, or when a nanny suddenly quits.  He does most of our errand running during the week, so I don't have to face the supermarket on a Saturday morning.

Laura mentioned (in her comments, scroll way to the bottom) the recent study that found that women rated actually caring for children as a fairly low-pleasure activity, slightly above housework but below cooking.  That study was of working women; I'd love to see a similar study for stay-at-home parents.  There's more time for their kids to get on their nerves, but I think their interactions are also less likely to be stressed by the pressures of trying to get kids fed, homework done, and ready for bed at a civilized hour.

Comments

[Jen]

I also read about the study showing women hate child-care almost more than anything. I found that fascinating, and discussed it at length with my (stay-home dad) husband.

If you look at the approach of that particular study, they asked people to describe the activities that filled their day, and then to assign a "pleasureable-ness" value to each activity. And I can see how, when looking at an individual day, hanging out with your kids can often be stressful.

But over time I'm not sure I would agree. When I was first married my husband and I spent tons of time going to dinner with friends, restoring our house, shopping for antiques, traveling. All of those activities would rate very highly on a "how was your day" type of survey. Yet in the long run they were profoundly unsatisfying, and we traded it all in for the extremely stressful existence of modern urban parents. So is every dinner with my kids wonderful? No. But strangely, over time, this string of sometimes stressful, sometimes awful dinners is morphing into a very beautiful life. There is great pleasure to be had in watching your child's accomplishments, seeing the whole thing unfold. It just beats eating out every night, that's all there is to it.

[Elise]

I read some of the debate over there at Laura's site and was surprised to find such a small minority of people actually saying that their kids were thriving in full-time day care and they felt good about their decision to go that route. There were a few, but for the most part I observed comments that support the "I'd rather have the parents taking care of the kids than a stranger" viewpoint. I take issue with this viewpoint on several levels: for one thing, it's hard, as a full-time working mom, not to feel that these people are judging me as a bad mom for allowing "strangers" to take care of my daughter 5 days a week while I work. But maybe that's also informed by a little of my working-mom guilt. But I also take offense at people using that word "stranger," as if I'm walking up to the nearest person on the street corner and dumping my kid off in their hands while I rush off to my exciting whirlwind life at the most dynamic and fabulous office ever. Our day care providers are not at all strangers to us or to our daughter. She sees them every day and has grown to love them dearly. She smiles and jumps with joy when she sees them in the morning and she says their names all the time when we are driving or just hanging around at home. We appreciate the wonderful care they give our daughter and all the kids. She does not, however, confuse them with her parents. She knows we are her parents and she loves us - differently from how she feels about her day care providers. There is a place for all of us in her life. I am surprised by how judged I often feel based on my decision to raise my daughter this way.

[Jared Schwartz]

Mary Eberstadt's book, Home-Alone America, seems to have renewed the controversy about childcare.

There's an anti-daycare website called "Daycares Don't Care" at:
www.daycaresdontcare.org

It seems to consist of a large collection of negative info about all aspects of day care...

[sam]

its suposed to be the parents job to check out the creditability and the reputation of the day care. so if a single hard working parent cant trust a day care that the've checked out who can they leave there children with during the day while there at work? did I mention a single parent!

[jesper work]

Hi There:

My Wife owns/operates a Montessori preschool in BC Canada. (Identical requirements to daycare & runs in a similar fashion). She is very empathetic, communicates at the child's level, and I would estimate, she immediately reaches 99% of kids she comes in contact with. She finds the child care business fulfilling, but is usually burnt out at the end of the week. I can only guess how the emotional multitasking is draining.

My frustration is the lack of respect from most segments of society. Peoples stereotypes run deep when it come to the child care industry. Funnily enough, the attitudes seem paternalistic, as regulations & policies of the gov't & stakeholder institution have a very dampenning effect.

My 2bits,

Jesper

[Ashley Pearce]

I challenge any parent to work in the center they wish to send their child to for a month! Do not tell them you have children just work there, by the time the month is over you will NEVER want to put your child in ANY center! I have worked in several and I can honestly say I'd rather work nights pole dancing or strap my child to my back as I scrub toilets for a living before I ever allow them to set foot in any daycare. Oh and P.S that webiste "Daycares Don't Care" is the most accurate site imaginable you should really give it a read.